Diff'rent Strokes

Have you ever read something like this? “Daughter left her mother dead in bed and continued on with her life for 6 months.” This happened two years ago, but this sort of “treatment” by a daughter is nowhere near “unbelievable”. It just happens in a different way almost every day. 

I read a blog by a writer who calls herself “She Cat”. She had written about the problem she had with her daughter, and she said she (She Cat) had PTSD. She had turned away from her daughter because of the problems that she felt her daughter had caused (this appeared to have happened over 5-6 years). Now she had chosen to leave her daughter because she needed to save herself. She worked (“Sitting home all day & thinking would drive me batty, so work is my savior these days.”) and I think she is very lucky to keep her work. 

The Australian, in November of 2013, had printed an article called “The deserted mothers' club”, where so many stories looked very much like mine. One woman told us that “[s]he left her husband after marrying too young and worked to support the girls she raised largely on her own. ‘I feel a great shame,’ she says. ‘You feel as if you've failed.’” Yes, I felt like I have failed. 

I have PTSD too. It reacts within me too often and it’s only moved inside of me within the last three years – from my ex-husband walking out, through diagnosis of my brain aneurysm, being fired (after 7 good years), ending up in hospital for brain surgery… and that same time I had my stroke. My daughter took charge of me in the hospital. She came to visit me almost every day for the next 6.5 weeks. She wrote an exposition for my book (“Aneurysms with Aphorisms”, to be published around May-June this year) and I understand how she felt. But now she either doesn’t understand or doesn’t care about how the financial situation I am stuck in works. 

She has now chosen to walk away from me. 

I know that my daughter and her partner earns (after tax) around 4-5 times as much as I do. I know that I did not ever ask for huge amount of support, as she has said. She had said that she would cut off my phone, and the other thing she helps with is my insurance so I don’t think I’ll be insured now, but that is what she wanted to do. I can’t work, I’m stuck on the DSP, I didn’t choose it, but it’s how I now live. 

Last night, after thinking most of the day about the verbal fight that morning, I have reached my best place for a long time. I don’t accept what my daughter has accused me of, because I know how my stroke affected me. I know that I can’t argue. I know that I cried during the meeting with her. That she has said she will leave me has relieved me from fights which I can’t do. 

I have looked for somewhere else to rent, closer to my southern-side friends. I have also checked out something else north of Noosa, which I will be looking at soon. I know I have 4 weeks to wait now for the decision, and I have no idea how it will come out, but think about it. Thinking is how I can relate. Speaking is not. I was expected to speak, but I don’t think I was ever expected to think. 

To my daughter: the very best luck in your future. I brought you up, I know you used to love me… and I still love you. Think of me sometimes. 

I’m now living.