Keep talking

This was my last post to my blog, aneurysm aphorisms. I’m pretty sure there’s a reason for that... I had written in it that “Sometimes I stutter, sometimes I forget my words, sometimes I just shut up.” That was written on 16 March 2016, nearly three years ago, and two years after my stroke. 

I don’t know of any aphasia group around Redbank or Springfield. I had joined a STEPs group in Mango Hill when I lived up that way, as well as the aphasia group. Two and a half years ago, when I moved into Bethania and Eagleby I went to a Logan aphasia group which met at the Logan library. It was not what I wanted to be ‘involved’ in – people with aphasia given ‘classes’ by speech pathologists. I needed something more for a person, preferable just me. I also joined a STEPs group which had lunch in Fitzy’s at Waterford, but I couldn’t afford to go so I quietly walked away. I joined a STEPs group in Gold Coast but I only went there twice – too far.

Am I so damned negative now???

AAA provided a link to a video which was provided by Dr Paul Zimmermann, in USA, who had a stroke with aphasia 6 years ago. I watched that this morning and felt so... uncomfortable with my language. It’s a heck of a lot better than Dr Z’s, but it’s not where I used to be before my stroke and aphasia. 

AAA also gave a link to a Perth tv program about the VERSE aphasia recovery program, only set up recently. The gentleman interviewed talked so much better than me!! I would love to do that... is it available in Brisbane?? 

What am I doing for myself? I belong to a support group (not a stroke group, but very good for disabled people and those with mental health) called Upbeat Arts. The header on their website includes the theatrical group which I’m not in. I’m in the choir, Absolutely Everybody. I used to go to Streetbeat, the percussion group which met on Wednesdays, but last year I gave that up when my dog died in March, my daughter-in-law died in April and I was made redundant from my 10 hours a week recovery work at the end of June. 2018 was an annus horribilis year for me. Streetbeat has stopped now. This year I have joined the Creative Writing group, and later this month I’m joining the latest group (all part of Upbeat Arts) for songwriters... I have even tried songwriting before today – I would love to make a success of it!

Fairly recently (towards the end of last year) I went to a university talk up at The Edge at the State Library of Queensland (SLQ), called A Stroke of Foundation, presented by Dr Lavinia Codd. At age 31 she had a stroke (doesn’t mention aphasia), but she has completed her Bachelor of Science for her cognitive recovery, went on to complete her PhD at UQ's Queensland Brain Institute and she now has an Advancement role at QBI. One thing got into my mind and kept me trying to stop being negative was that she had a stroke and has fully recovered!! Good on her. 

I’m halfway behind her. I’m into my second year of BA (not sure if I am majoring in Literature or in Journalism, I’ll wait and see what I enjoy) and sometimes feel positive and other times feel negative. Writing certainly helps me.

I’ll ask again... am I so negative now? I don’t want to be. I have a history of bad memories before my stroke which, too often, kept me down: I need to fight them. Living alone, being alone is not good for a person who needs to recovery fully, but I don’t know if I ever will. Perhaps, yes, I am still so negative, but I need to become much, much more positive.

Help me, if you can!