Too hot 'holidays'

My last post was in 2018... I hadn't even thought about that! I haven't had days I dislike, or days I love. I haven't been excited, or felt angry. I haven't gotten drunk - nor have I under-drunk. I don't overeat but I am still putting on weight because I don't do anything.

I don't even know where I am supposed to be!

Brake hard, reverse to the start and think of this again, lady! My last post was in 2018... and now I have thought about that. So far this year, 16th day of 2019, I haven't even done any exercise... well, apart from one day when I was in a building in which a lift was being repaired and I chose to walk down 13 flights of stairs rather than wait... I keep myself inside my unit - the whole unit area which includes outside behind a fence and behind a gate... and I very rarely go out. Like, out to shops. I wouldn't go to a movie because that would cost too much. Nothing else to choose. Too hot to go to anywhere open, like any beach.

Actually, last Friday I went in to the choir practice which was set for half way through the holidays, because other people like me can't deal with long, hot, lonely days. I enjoyed the practice, but that's where I was when the lift was being repaired and I was the only one who chose to walk down the 13 flights of stairs. I didn't do any more exercise since that, and I paid with the sore muscles in my legs. I really need to do more...

So what am I? Who am I? Who knows me? Do you care? Do I care? I feel invisible. Even doing my BA, I feel invisible. I don't know anyone else in the class, even though I've had to make some comments on other people's posts. How do you make yourself visible? I might have understood that years ago, but since my stroke I seem to have vanished inside myself.

Sometimes I enjoy being alone in my unit. This morning I watched the 2006 series 7 from Prime Suspect which is part of my essay, assessment 3, which isn't due until later in February. I don't need to watch anything when I have company. Which I will not ever have at my own unit. Which I probably should stop talking about because it won't be anything that depresses you or you would like to talk about it. DSP doesn't pay much, and in fact Aussie is losing money. Look that up.

Why am I posting on the 16th day of January 2019? I guess that's just because I feel silly for not posting anything recently, like on New Year's Day or very soon after that. I've had this blog for 6 years coming up to 7 years, since late 2012. It's my writing, my love about my life... and my dislike for growing older with no choice. I thought about stopping it. I don't have many readers, but why should I care? Well yes, I know that I care, sometimes. 5 years since my stroke, 5 years with aphasia. Five years five years five years...

It's 3 days since I ran out of my wine cask, and I wish I had a drink today. I might just go buy another cask tomorrow. Thank you for reading...