Burned sausages

Tonight I cooked sausages. I burned them. Why?

Why do you want to know?

I was playing cards. Or talking to my dog. Or thinking about how frustrated I was last night. Or the night before. Or whatever. They burned. Was I supposed to stop them?

The last couple of weeks I’ve been very busy. Out of home every day, off to whatever is in my calendar, if I was late or missing it I’d feel very upset. Last night, after a busy travel-covered day (into town , home, into the library, back home, into Cultural Centre, back home again…)I was buggered. So very tired. I could have just contacted the group and said I couldn’t be there, but I was now the Secretary – silly me, I’d taken it because I knew I could have done it. At least, years ago I could have. But these days I had a stroke which has taken over my life and I fight it.

Until I am so goddamned tired that I just can’t.

I live alone. Am I okay with that? Hell no!! I haven’t ever lived alone. Until now. I used to think that this was bliss, but now I feel so alone. I make myself busy, but I don’t get paid for anything I do. I worked most of my life. Until the last two years. These days I watch people who really don’t work but are paid… for what? Why can’t I get some sort of money for what I do? I have a website. I wrote a book. Paid? No. Why can’t I just feel good about working for the people I do?

Why can’t I even get any Q-Comp funds which are OWED to me?? 6 months next week. It’s causing me grief.

Today I felt pretty good when I went to the post office and sent off a book and some t-shirts to my son for my grandchildren. I am so looking forward to seeing them – the four of them – after Christmas, but I can’t even afford a ticket. Why do I feel pissed off? Work that one out. Is this the way so many other people feel, when their income is cut off and dried up? It’s 18 months after my stroke, and I appreciate the comments from other people that I’m good. I wish I was. But when I’m tired, after so many calendar days, my language has taken off, again.

Today I convinced a friend to walk around the block with me, so I could add to my Stride-4-Stroke. Any supporters? Only 2 (I’m 3). Why won’t you??

My burned sausages are still in the frying pan. 7.34pm and I need some dinner which I would normally have at 5pm. I’m just going to eat a couple of burned sausages, and I think I’ll like them. Why?

Why don’t you tell me?