Lovely days

When I was a kid we had a lovely christmas with our mum and dad, brother and sisters, grandmothers and neighbours. We had lovely pressies, lovely lunch, lovely dinner, and at the end of the day we vanished into our bedrooms to get a good night's sleep which would lead us into just another day. Christmas day was for children.

As we got older our christmas days were joined with our new partners, friends and new neighbours, and as we got older again some of us had 'lost' our partners and the christmas days were the same lovely days but with different people. Christmas day was for 'older' children.

I had thought of this day until my kids were grown up. My dad died in the middle of the year, 2001. Christmas day was certainly for children. When I met my second husband neither of us were really into christmas days, and we drove our own cars or rode our own motorbikes around Waikato in NZ, later Queensland in Australia, to enjoy our own christmas days, have a takeaway lunch, head home again. It was so peaceful, not dragged into christmas celebration. Mum died in the middle of the year, 2007, but christmas day was certainly for children.

My son, his wife and two kids moved to Aus, and for our first christmas with my grandchildren we actually had a lovely family event, at my home, with me cooking our lovely lunch and lovely dinner. Christmas was for children and family. That only lasted one year when my son's wife decided she didn't like me and christmas was at their own home, with only my daughter and in-law. Not me, but I didn't miss christmas - just my grandchildren.

My second husband eventually missed his NZ family and headed back to NZ for christmas, without me. He'd come back to Aus, but after two years of him doing that he decided that his family meant lots to him, and left me. Lovely present.

How many people can think this way about christmas? I watched some news and ads on TV and retailers were trying to convince everyone that christmas was okay, good. Lovely. Shops were left open a whole night before christmas day, supermarkets were so full. Everyone spending money. Very few people were alone, understanding that they would be alone on christmas day.

Me? I will have a lovely lunch with my daughter and in-law, I bought them some lovely pressies and will get something lovely back, I even bought something for my dogs! Then I will come home, retreat into my office/spare bedroom and play cards on my computer.

This particular day doesn't mean anything to me. I wish all my readers a lovely day. Just not christmas.

"Dis" - ability

Stella Young didn't know me. I sort-of knew her, at least her "public" role - comedian, on ABC TV, speaking at TEDx Sydney. Wikipedia seemed to do an article about her from 2011. She seemed to "appeared" in public back years, until this year. She died on 6 December 2015. No-one really knows how; ABC mentioned her, but not how. In SMH there is a very small mention of what killed her: "Young's family told the ABC she died peacefully on Saturday. It is understood Young died of a suspected aneurysm."

Where is there anything written about Stella's "suspected aneurysm"? Did she know of it? Did her family? Her GP? Anyone? Where was this "suspected aneurysm"? In her stomach? In her brain? In her heart?

Why is there so little known about aneurysms?

Last year when I - for the first time - received a CT identifying my own aneurysm, I did some investigation. I wrote "Aneurysm Aphorism" blogspot (which was full of info but has sort of gone to sleep now, sorry) and found some Australian information, and much more information from USA. So many websites, with info that seemed very good.  Yet how many people know anything about aneurysms - which can kill you? How many people know anything about aneurysms rather than or as well as breast cancer? Prostate cancer? Heart disease? Bone problems? Are there any fundraising places which are helpful to the understanding about aneurysms? Just what are aneurysms and when do they happen?

When can we find out anything about Stella Young's "suspected aneurysm"?

I thought I'd just repeat some info about aneurysms, so you, Reader (hopefully Sharer), will know something about them. Why? Because it is so important, with a growing problem, to actually know a little bit about them. 

• Google will separate out aneurysms into "brain", "aortic" or "abdominal". You need to know where the aneurysm is. Don't always assume it is in the brain.
• Brain aneurysms occur in approximate 2% of adults. (www.brainfoundation.org.au)
• 20% of these 2% people will have two or more aneurysms. (http://www.neurosurgicalassociates.com.au/cerebral.html)
• When an aneurysm ruptures it can cause a severe headache. (www.avmsurgeon.com/aneurysms.html)
• In Australia 1600 people are recorded as rupturing; 39% of those (624) will die. (www.avmsurgeon.com/aneurysms.html)
• Aneurysms may not have any symptoms until they rupture. (www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Aneurysm)
• "Saccular" (or berry) aneurysm is the most common type of aneurysm (80-90%). "Fusiform" is different, but seldom ruptures. (www.bafound.org/brain-aneurysm-basics)
• As soon as finding out about your aneurysm, talk to your doctor and get a reception to a neurosurgeon.

Did you know any of this?  Do you act similarly to this info as to any that you get on, say, breast cancer? Do you support it? Would you put any money into a funding raiser? Would that be to support surgery or info blogging? Or a representative who will make public speeches? Did you actually read any information that I gave you?

Do you know someone with an aneurysm?

Stella Young was so "ability" (she hated the word "disability"). Yet it's probably unseen as to what caused her death. Aneurysm? She supported many funded causes, but what caused her an aneurysm? Did she actually have one? If so, where do we find that out? If not, who put that into the editor writing??

Stella Young was a wonderful person, so active, so canny, so well trained. I should have been that - I have my own ability, and I know that she hates the "other" word. Just now, just from a very brief mention, we can certainly understand why or how she managed to die. Regardless of why or how, she had a wonderful life. Just for now, just this moment, I might even just let some people turn their vibes away from most people, which, it seems, like someone just did that in a report about Stella.

You are forgiven, just now. But don't ever do that again. I found a report on the ABC that some hospital was criticised with communication failures about aneurysms, back in 2009. We know, now, that aneurysm time is possibly against everyone.

Teach everyone who needs to know about aneurysm. They can help to keep someone alive.

No longer loving "life"

At my age I have given up my love of my life. Why? Because I'm sick of having to always been "someone" who means "something" to others, when very few people choose me because I no longer mean "something" to anyone. A few years ago I got married (second time) and loved it - loved my life, loved my husband, loved moving to Australia, loved my work. Last year I got struck with the down-stuff just for my life. My husband (ex?) decided he preferred New Zealand, my brain aneurysm was found, my job was lost. This year I went to hospital for my surgery and ended up with a stroke. So here am I.

A few months after leaving hospital (locked in there for 6.5 weeks - did I tell anyone that??) I moved to Woody Point. I love the beach here, but I don't know anyone. Not socially. I was helped at CBRT for a few months - which I didn't realise, until the day I was told, that this was a short term engagement for me, thanks to the government. Taking something like that away from someone who is new here, or who has a new future (nothing repeating after your surgery and stroke) is so unfair.

Just like losing your husband/wife/partner.

Just like losing your employment.

Just losing most of your friends who don't live in this area.

I met and joined a stroke group, a STEPs group, a Heart Care group at a gym which I joined, I met so many people who seemed to be so good - but I don't know any of them. I have problems with my memory. Why is that, that no-one seems to understand it?

 I Googled for pictures for this blog. I found this, about crying - and not needing to. I do so much as this picture - I tried to hold my tears when I am out, but they can get out when I am home. My beautiful dogs know when I am crying and will come to me to support me. I live for them, because they don't do anything they don't need to ask me for. Sounds funny. But it's not.

I have told myself that I am just plainly not happy with the christmas general time, including shopping, carols, meals, friends, family dah de dah. That seems to have an ironic reek to how I felt about christmas the last 2-3 (or many more) years, because of how my own family treated me. I don't feel too loved. Sad, but true.

This time I am down. After TEDxSB last weekend I felt down. Actually, before that I felt down, because this is my 3rd year but I wasn't helping this year. Not my cuppa. I left and went home at the end of the day, felt I had done too much to take in, have felt even lower than before that. Is there any stuff to take me UP??

After christmas might be my positive place, where I'll be. I have another CT on my second aneurysm, I have a QIRC court case in February (no thanks to the lawyer who dropped me way back at the hospital), but I can't work, yet. Will I? Ever?

I'm 58. That's not just "middle age". It is past "middle age" for most people - in the world. If my life is

actually over, it sounds great. But if I live on I have to live with myself, no one who will help me, no one who might look after me if I get worse. I am not Australian, even though I have lived here for 9.5 years. This whole management of population funds is what's bringing the whole world down, and doing a damned good job in Aus.I found this picture on Google also today. It means much to me. Friendless. Destitute. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense. I'm addicted. I just feel that I had a wonderful childhood, which I lost when I "grew up". Long before rapists grew up. I am still recovering from it, after 40 years.

So I am waiting for "after christmas", for my positive place.

Enjoy your own christmas.