Finding out what I am living for

Being an “at home” older person, I am finding out what I am living for. It’s been 104 days today from my surgery. It’s been a hell living here, being responsible for my life which never seems to be as “normal” as it used to. Until I was in the surgery I had never had any stroke, or never anything that would turn against me. I thought I was okay, just get my aneurysm clipped and let me get out in 3-5 days. For me, after the stroke and surgery, it was 45 days, most of which I was in BIRU. Earlier, moving in, I caused a problem. I didn’t want to be in there, I’d never been told why, and I managed to get out of the (locked) door before I was stopped. But I was held onto as if I was a criminal. I was held at BIRU until June. When I got home, I felt – in my daydreams – fine.

When I was first in the hospital for my surgery, my lawyer had already lodged my case with court. He’d apparently gotten concerned. After I got home, he rang me and scolded me for my ABIOS carer. He told me he would talk about me to someone else and let me know. In the end, he backed off from my court case. I was angry and upset.

Since I came home I had noticed so many Facebook sites that I had joined earlier. I looked at them all and began to realise how low the government had dragged us, and how the lawyer had thought he did the “right” thing. What the lawyer failed to realise was legal disentrancement was building on me. I am an RRV, with right to Australian citizenship in February 2015, but that doesn’t hold me off any income such as DPS or anything from Centrelink, because I can’t work until I have completed medical recovery. I know that I am unable to work in my previous health, but I have been here for 9 years. Why does the government work the way they do?  

The FB sites covered so much information about how the government was dumping anything they regarded as non-rich. That includes alleged refugees and Kiwis. How can this be? So many people who now work within government seem to have lost their affiliation to anyone who is not – yet – an Australian citizen. Seems that they will carry on assuming you are a citizen, yet they will back off when they find out you are not. How does a person who has lived and worked here for 9 years get on for any sort of medical DPS?

My interview at Centrelink was sad, to me. I was told I could have a Newstart until my application had been approved. Until, of course, he found out I was only 9 years, not Australian citizen, and, despite my RRV, not entitled to Newstart. And no-one yet knows whether or not my DPS application will be approved. Later that same evening I watched some TV programmes about Kiwi youths, homeless, who don’t get any Australian sort of money. The trouble here is that most of these youth just moved over from NZ without understanding the government hernia. No-one in NZ will tell anyone the truth. Now so many of those who are homeless may only have to make their way back to NZ – if they can paid for their air ticket. How long have these people been here? Not 9 years, I’m sure of it. Yet after my own 9 years here, working, but now I’m not, I still can’t get any income.

I am an “at home” older person finding out what I am living for. I am starting to look into places I’d never been. Months ago I had joined many sites and many groups, including One Billion Rising, Emily’s List, GetUp, Climate Council, TEDxSBW, March for Australia, Fair Agenda and so many I don’t even remember. Why I had joined so many I am questioning about because I have had hardly anything to do with ones I wanted, needed. Now I am considering dropping some of them and getting in to the ones that work for me. Whatever I do, I need to ensure that sites and groups work for some people, involving those who will work for them.

Whatever the future choice happens, I know I still have problems in my head. I work on it most days, but I know I have a whole lot still to do. And I am an “at home” older person finding out what I am living for.

It’s my life.