It would have been hard for dad not to be, in retrospect. With four daughters (and one son) he had two choices - the very time consuming option to do it all for us, or make sure that we knew how to do it for ourselves. That he chose the latter option is now a reason for me to realise that, at 57, I actually have some very valuable skills that many women - let alone feminists - today simply don't have. I am very grateful to him that I have, throughout my life, not needed to rely entirely on anyone, male or female, to help me with these tasks, something that stood me in good stead the many years I was a solo parent. If I do allow others to do it now, it's because I have that choice.
I have fond early memories of dad knocking about in two old Vanguards to build one new family car for us as our family expanded. The first car dad bought for my older sister and I was a 1957 Morris Oxford, side valve. Most people today, I suspect, would have no idea what that means. But it had a motor problem, so our first lesson in car maintenance was performing a valve grind on this ancient piece of equipment - even new to us back then, it was 15 years old.
As a full time builder and part time home handyman and mechanic, dad had tools of every description. We learned early the difference between a hand saw, power saw, bench saw, skill saw, band saw and jig saw. Dad built our first homes for me and two of my sisters, and we were required to help, under his expert instruction. We learned to use hammers and screwdrivers, we dug ditches and footings, we poured concrete - some of which we even made ourselves in dad's little builder's concrete mixer. We learned to back a trailer and how to operate his home-made tilt bin.
Dad probably would have found it highly amusing if I'd suggested that he was a feminist. To him it was just natural and obvious. You changed your own wheel or you didn't drive anywhere. We didn't have RACQ then, at least not as it is today, and why get a boyfriend just to change a flat? As for the building, he was good enough to build our homes labour-free so of course we should help!
Over the years I have found that what dad taught me/us has stood me in very good stead for the times I have been on my own with no man to call on, should I have felt so inclined. It amuses me somewhat now that if I do ask a man for assistance - such as recently when I asked a young man to open my radiator cap only because my arthritis wouldn't let me - they then feel the need to take over. I appreciate an offer of assistance, but only if I have the option to decline. Too many men seem to think that because I am (a) woman and (b) mature-aged I have no comprehension of how to do something. Well, sorry to disavow that misapprehension. I can change a wheel (and yes, I know the difference between changing a wheel and changing a tyre), I just no longer have the strength in my hands to undo the wheel nuts that are usually done up ultra tight by an air-assisted gun. I can put a picture on the wall with the correct size and weight of picture hook. I can glue and screw the faulty leg on my chess table - which, BTW, I made from scratch including routing, lathe turning the pedestal and finishing each square individually. (I just haven't got around to fixing it yet, doesn't mean I don't know how!) Dad wasn't just a handyman, he also sewed - curtains, upholstery, halter necks tops for his daughters - and he cooked, he knew how to operate a washing machine, and when mum was in hospital he looked after the five of us without needing to get in any help. If more men today were like my dad - accepting of a girl child's right to know the same stuff that boys are taught, and accepting of the need for a man to also know some "women's" tasks, I believe we would be a heck of a lot closer to equality than we really are, because 'equality' is about treating boys and girls the same from the time they are small children. We fail in that because we are conditioned to treat boys as stronger, less emotional, more technically minded. That becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy only if we persist with that particular fairy tale.
Where are all the old role models - male and female - who just knew, naturally, that inclusion was the best educator? If I can pass on some of my knowledge to a younger generation who didn't have the same advantages, I will be happy to do so, and celebrate the fact that my dad, as an unwitting feminist, was way ahead of today's men. Good on ya dad!
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