Protester... or not

Euripides seemed to know, thousands of years ago, what came from evil. These days I see evil on this planet. Oh I know it's not “new”, it's been around for so long, but evil-thinking people probably don't even think that their thoughts are evil – they simply don't know anyone in poverty.

Thinking this was supposed to be sending me to the March for March in Brisbane today. I'd put my name down to go there, I'd worked myself up so much against far too much evil I see in the government. Except now I'm over-excited; I can't go today. I can't talk to anyone, I would be there entirely alone.

On Wednesday this week there was a march to protest education becoming far too expensive. It should be free, unless, of course, some church runs their own. Yes, pay for that. Not everyone has – or takes – the choice. I'd planned on going to that protest, but on Wednesday I was even too tired to really enjoy the Streetbeat rehearsal. I took the train home after that and lay on my bed, hoping that the education march would be successful. They'd never miss me.

My intention to go to the protest today is something I've done often for the last 5 or more years. I had friends who came with me, I met up and chatted with people. I felt so strong about the protests for the reef, domestic violence, education, mining, tax, you name it. Anything under the previous ALP government, and much, much worse under the current LNP government. Today I would have gone along as a disabled person who suffers from my stroke with aphasia and is pretty close to poverty with no personal choice... but aphasia would stop me from talking to people. Chatting to people.

No government should cut the tax charged to huge businesses. No government should cut the unemployment or disability payments. No government should play with the child care allowance. No government should roll over unions when they can't even prove whatever they think! Euripides didn't know anything about how our planet now lives, but he knew why evil happens.

Too many people – even rich or well-off people – object to poverty. Most people who live in poverty or very close, like me, did not choose. I didn't choose to have a stroke. I didn't choose to have aphasia. I didn't choose to stop working. Dame Jane Morris Goodall DBE, a “British primatologist, ethologist, anthropologist, and UN Messenger of Peace”, according to Wikipaedia, said that 80% of the people living in poverty should have their standard of living raised. What's happening in this country looks, to me, like it's getting worse.

I know I'm not alone, proverbially. The unemployment ratio has grown. The part-employment has grown hugely! ABS (Australian Bureau of Statistics) said that the unemployment percentage was 5.8%, and the “labour underutilisation” (part employment) is up to 14.4%. Female underutilisation has increased to 16.8%. In February, according to them, the participation rate remains at 64.6%, employment increased, but so did unemployment. By 5,200 nationally.

Read the Labour Force Commentary February 2017 on this page. 

The protest is also reacting as a result of the penalty wages change; perhaps you needed to be aware of what the Commission said about this. I absolutely disagree with what they did, and I object to how they turned down the submission by the unions. For me, unions are extremely important to many “normal” workers, because that's how we got to where we were/are. Have a read of this link.

Mining is a huge protest, especially Adani mining which is setting up in Queensland, with a port into the reef area (Abbott Point). That is absolutely unreal, yet the government – and the Qld government state government – will give Adani $1 billion. Right now Aus doesn't even make a profit on whatever fossil fuel we are selling! ABC's PM program on Wednesday 22^nd March said that Adani protest groups were “vow[ing] to launch mass protest against mining giant Adani.” Perhaps they'll be separate from today's protest – but I don't think they will start separately. I've walked in their protests before.

Within this country, right now, there is far too much communication: “misunderstandable” communication, “fake” news, long articles, short articles, “shares” throughout media, Twitter, Facebook, too many groups who oppose whatever the government does. Too many people have stopped reading anything, because they can't understand it – or politics turns them off. Most of those people won't go to the protest today, or any other day. But every government action hits them. I don't know “rich” people; I do know many beneficiaries. I didn't choose where I am. I didn't choose to have a stroke. I didn't choose to be on DSP, yet this is my present reality. Whatever is being passed through this government now will not be in my favour.

Today I can not communicate with anyone.

 

Who am I?

Depression can be very soul breaking. It can lead too many people to attempt suicide. Some win – they die. For many others, depression can be moving inside yourself, shutting the doors against people, staying inside your home and inside your self. Both happened to me. So who am I?

Yesterday I read an article about Nikki Gemmell, how she didn't understand what her mother did. Elayn Gemmell committed suicide in 2015. “She simply sat down in her lounge, took overdoses of prescriptions and washed them down with Irish Bailey.” Nikki told about her pain in ABC's Australian Story last night. I knew exactly what Elayn suffered.

So who am I?

I've changed in 5 years. I lost my grandkids in 2012, lost my husband in 2013, found out about my brain aneurysm in July 2013, ended up in hospital in April 2014, and have “lived” very differently since then. I don't like my life. 

I don't like that I have been through what I consider evil. Far too much. I loved Scarborough but I couldn't deal with 'it'. I moved up to Noosa. I couldn't deal with 'it' up there. I moved again. I couldn't even deal with 'it' when I was at Bethania. Far too much evil for me. I attempted suicide. Too many stories inside me.

I don't like that I have lost too many friends. I live now in a tired, worn out suburb, just me and Jordie, a lonely, shut-in life. People no longer come to visit me. My story is inside me.

I don't like that my body is feeling far too older than I really am. I've put on weight; my right eye is red, full of blood; my back caused me pain a few days ago. Just about every second day I pluck some wiry hairs from my chin – I never grew them, where are they coming from?? 

My story is inside me.

Finding out the Nikki Gemmell story made me stop and think. These days I feel very much alone, and I only have two things that I do which really lift me – I go to Mylestones and I go to SOHK.

Mylestones is an employment group which contracts to Centrelink. At the start I had no positive thoughts – I'd been previously mis-treated by Max and Help – but Mylestones, which is run by CPL, has proven to be an excellent “friend” for me. I was introduced to Natalie, who I now see is a sort of “carer”. I'm not expected to have to do anything except sit and talk to her. She's very well trained, she doesn't make me feel that I'm being “questioned”. I find out that Mylestones will pay for my re-joining SIA (Safety Institute of Australia – I used to be an WHS adviser), will pay for my gap exam for RABQSA (I'm an auditor). Pay for some clothing for an interview. And pay for my haircut. I've got one coming up, 30 March, at a salon I used to go to 3 years ago. And Natalie, at Mylestones, looks for work. I am not required to sit and ring, when I couldn't even do that! I'm feeling excited!

And School of Hard Knock? I think I mentioned this group earlier. I belong to their choir – Absolutely Everybody – and to their percussion jam group, Streetbeat. SOHK works from South Bank, so it's a long way away from me. I take the express train – only 5 station stops - to get there, walk from the station, and even when I don't feel good I won't miss those rehearsals.

So now, just who am I?

I have other stuff I'm doing or have checked up on. I've meeting a psychologist called Emotional Balance, in Waterford. My doctor sent me there due to my attempted suicide. It keeps me thinking. I joined SPA (Suicide Prevention Australia) – so far I haven't heard from them but I wanted to be a volunteer speaker. This remains to be seen. I have looked through NDIS to see if I qualify for that, but Brisbane isn't set up until 2018. And I found another choir in Beenleigh called Mixed Beans. I've been there once but can't make it this week. Maybe I'll go again.

Yesterday it was raining outside. I sat in my lounge and blankly watched TV, or laid on my bed and thought. This morning I will go to the gym. I need to, haven't been there over a week. I have walked the treadmill at around 6 for 35 minutes. I think I need to do 60 minutes. Will I ever? My challenge!

Today I'm driving up north. I'll drop Jordie at my daughter's home, carry on to Redcfliffe where the Harmony Day is happening, even if it is raining. I am playing with the Streetbeat group up there. I need to be there. My challenge!

I know I'll be in front of 'self' for now. I know I'll fall behind again in the near future. Last night I watched the program about Elayn Gemmell. I felt how she felt, but I don't think Nikki knew or understood. It's like me. She looks at it differently now.

Who am I?