Reading is good for the soul

My lovely mornings, every other morning, resulted in my music yoga CD, “Mind, Body and Soul”. This gentle introduction CD was working on me, to keep me meditated. Today I read beside it. I have only finished two books since my operation in April this year, and I still have 3 other books which I had started, lying around just waiting for me. I was using my books as recovery from my brain injury, yet they were still so much harder than I had ever found books.

I always loved books, I always had a shelf (or two) of just my favourites, I brought some of my favourites from NZ when I moved over here nine and a half years ago, I have given books away, sold them, bought them, wandered through book stores, been to State Library or Brisbane Library, attended readings at Avid Bookstore and have kept reading my entire life, until my operation. I am coming around to it now – it is recovery.

The latest book I finished is called “Wings of Madness: a mother’s journey”, by Jo Buchanan. Jo is the mother of Miles Buchanan, who had been well known on Australian TV during his youth, before he had suffered from his own brain problems – depression, to just identify it as “something”.  Miles wrote a “Last Word”, which turned me to thinking. This gentleman seems to have become religious during his recovery. He wrote: “We mustn’t let logic and modern scientific theories that support atheism get us down.” And other writing.

 I have been atheist for many years. I don’t believe that it has caused me any problems. I do believe, firmly, that religious is what causes every person and everything all sorts of problems. Just about every politician in Australia – in the world – appears to have some sort of religious belief which runs them and their life and their decisions. The very best politician is José Mujica, the President of Uruguay. According to the history about this presently-serving person, he donates 90% of his monthly income to people of lower income under him. Mujica refused to live in the Uruguay presidential palace and use palace staff. That sort of choice is so different than most of the world, and yet it is so real.

Most Australian politicians should make themselves aware of the history of women, and should not be so silly – such as Julie Bishop. This LNP woman accused ALP Tanya Plibersek of undermining the ALP leader, Bill Shorten. Why does that count? Shorten doesn’t come across as a good leader. Plibersek does. Bishop should be joining with the Australian voters against Abbott, another bad leader, rather than against Plibersek. Abbott recently attended the climate meeting in China, yet he said that jobs and growth income are “so” much important than a 16 year climate change. If he riddled this, Australia is just heading backwards.

 

Under Abbott, Australia has picked up its religion - Christianity. Christian schools make so much more money than state schools, and in this country other religions aren’t so important. Under recent war in East countries, against ISIL (Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant), Aussie soldiers have been sent over there to fight against them. ISIL is just as stupid as Australian home politicians, and yet no-one take this in. There are some women in Syria who are fighting against the ISIL – they need to win, not so-called good (male) soldiers from everywhere in the world.

 But hang on – did you know that the ISIL is often known as ISIS (Islamic State of Iraq and Syria)? How many (Western) journalists who continue to use ISIS as they are writing are at all aware of Isis, a (female) ruler in Egypt BCE? Wiki wrote some very interesting history about her. She was “a goddess from the polytheistic pantheon of Egypt. She was first worshiped in Ancient Egyptian religion, and later her worship spread throughout the Roman empire and the greater Greco-Roman world.” How many people fighting the ISIL as their proclaimed ISIS are aware of the original Isis? Don’t disagree with Wiki – read the books they list at the bottom of their Isis history! However, it is unfortunate that, due to systematic and rational statements on religion, past Egyptologists believed that there was an increasing move toward monotheism. This is another Wiki page, but possibly most Christian school attendees don’t read it – or will never understand it. Why? Well, because they just have “teachers”!

Back to my original paragraph. I wrote about my books, and I haven’t changed – I still love them! I am certain that whilst I have my TBI I will be a lot slower at reading, but I know that I am getting over it. After all, all the other paragraphs were just ultra-thoughts. I have more of my own books to read. See you again!

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

Most people I know are aware of this fun old (1979) song, written by Eric Idle for Monty Python. How many do know the actual words? What about extra words?

When you’re stuck on the World stage,
With lots of loonies half your age,
And everything is starting to go wrong.
It’s too late to run away,
You might as well just stay,
Especially when they play your silly song

These were just added in the 2012 closing ceremony at Summer Olympics. It's funny - I think it is! It reminds me of my stroke. Often, I don't think of my stroke as being my past. In fact, my future is now open - because I have a long way to go to get back to my history. The more I find out about it, the more people I meet, the more people I talk to, this is just okay. Just fine. Just.... well, dandy!

This month started with a blog which seemed just a little disappointed with my history - or my future, but my last week sped me up into my future. My calendar looked pretty full.

On Monday I registered for the 2015 Fun Run for cancer, telling my daughter and daughter-in-law that I was walking/running for their mum / mum-in-law who had died from cancer earlier this year. Later that morning I went to the Dolphins gym and pool, and have a free 3-day meeting next week so I will probably join. I told Lilly at CBRT afterwards.This pool is a 25m, which I can remember almost as much as my old pool at Algester. I think I can grow into these things! I belonged to Les Mills gym in NZ and was very Combat-fit. I just loved it. The Dolphins doesn't do Combat, but has some stuff that I could quite possibly join in and enjoy.

I met Dane at CBRT on Tuesday so he could check me out for the reference to CRS, finding me a couple of days work in some sort of job that I might feel capable for. I hope this will work! Later that morning I went into the Redcliffe Courthouse to see the JP for a signature on my book contract, and was told that the (huge) crowd here today was waiting for child matters which I suppose the Court might be hearing. I left there pretty fast.

Wednesday was an arrangement with Anne to go to Eumundi market, since neither of us had done that for a long time. I remember going to it a couple of years ago and buying some lovely pants, but hadn't been near it for years before that, when they were still an "old" market. This place seems to be huge, and so many stalls have clothes... too many wonderful places to look through! It was just great that the sky was clouded, at least the morning, because it was just a little cooler than a full market and a sunshine sky makes it. We stopped for a bit of food and, after nearly 3 hours, decided we needed to leave.

The Harrids cafe in North Lake was the venue for a Stroke Club coffee on Thursday. This was my very first event with this club, and I loved it! There were so many people, who I had never previous met, who had also had a stroke, and some were a lot faded than me. This was one place where I could miss my language without feeling I had lost something; I could forget my words and think longer about them without anyone adding a word in; having a coffee and scone which just about everyone else was enjoying! By the time I got back to Redcliffe CBRT I was happy to see Lilly, and I told her how "losing" her was not, by now, really worrying me. I am sure it was the Stroke Club which caused that - I feel great! Bridie also tested me at the end of my speech pathology, and was happy enough with me. That was probably just an "oh dear" with Bridie, who had been out of the office for quite a while that I had been there.

By Friday morning I got into Redcliffe Art Gallery for my first morning of volunteering. It was very quiet, but that didn't worry me. Getting in there and feeling my surround and meeting people was just what should happen. My volunteer co-worker was Inge, who has been at the gallery for a while and knows it and will be teaching me every Friday.

Morayfield on Saturday morning was for my next appointment with Dr Jane. Last week I had a very hard time finding their office because my map print out was incorrect. I had been 10 minutes late, and I think that sort of wound me up. On this Saturday I had felt very calm, and I remember talking with Dr Jane about my childhood. I have so many great memories about that, which I now seem to have open and earthly in my memory. Is that truly owned by my stroke?

And finally after Morayfield I returned back into the Redcliffe Art Gallery to hear one of the artists, William Yang, talk about his photography. He is a wonderful fellow who has done his photography for such a long time (which the gallery manager introduced). Our displace only has three framed photos and one TV with a live film, but William Yang can be read about through Felix Media.

So this was my remarkable week which was full every day with things I had to do to feel pretty good about my future. I received an email this week from the QIRC about my Notice of Listing with the Workers' Compensation Regulator. I have no thoughts that I might just lose this - or just win this. I know the history of this case, and I have to present to people who don't know me. I have to ensure I don't lose my future if I don't win. In the week which has gone onwards, with futures in it for me, I don't have any problems about this matter. I just need to remember - I already have my future, whether or not it involves my history.

Pretty good, eh?

So it seems...

Last Friday I had a first meeting with a psychological person a wee way away from my home. I had prepared - as I now know I need to - by finding where they were, printing out a map, and driving up just a wee bit early. I couldn't find them. The map was wrong. I searched on my phone and eventually did find them, 10 minutes late. Maybe, I convinced myself, that I had gotten myself lost; I truly believed that a psychological person wouldn't believe me.

Dr J is very good. She seemed to pick up a lot of my problems with my verbal issues with my language. I also forgot lots, tried to remember things, told her when I did. Didn't sound too good. She listened, she took notes, I cried, I stopped, I tried to talk. Finally she asked me if I had ever had a neuropsychological assessment. No, I hadn't. I remembered my visit to the brain aneurysm team at some stage after the surgery, but I couldn't say when it was. I think it was sometime before I got released, and resulted in a report send back to BIRU for my release. Dr J asked if I could remember the names of the people who were presently treating me, and she would contact one for some info about neuropsychological assessment.

Later that afternoon, on the train into town, I got a phone call from my social worker, Lilly. Seems she had received a call from Dr J, who talked with her about neuropsychological assessment for me. That was only a part of her discussion with me. It seems that next week is my last week with CBRT. The first time they had told me. I felt my tears coming back, but I had to try to hold them in because the train is not, for me, private.

Lilly, I know, is a wonderful person to work with me. Next week I will meet up with her a couple of days before the final event, and talk with her about neuropsychological assessment. Today I had read a Brainline article by Kara Swanson on October 27, 2011. Three years before our approaching Halloween. Kara came across as so much like I now feel.

Traumatic brain injury is the most clever of masks. It parades us out there as normal people. Many of us look no different than we did before we were hurt. We keep hearing, “You look great!” But it hides a darker reality.

Oh yes, this is so much me. This "mask", which I seem to wear most days and which was a result of my brain aneurysm and stroke, led to quite a bit of pathology at both PA and CBRT, and has now ended up, a week before my last CBRT, with a visit to a psychological person.

On the train, talking to Lilly, was a bad episode. She asked me how I would feel next week. I told her how I had coped with the wonderful people who had worked with me, and how I would go downhill when they left. This is the "usual" treatment to health patients. They don't choose this, it's part of the overall health system. Perhaps some people are easy. Others, like me, are not.

Today I looked in the UQ website and found some literature about neuropsychological assessment. It said:

Neuropsychological assessments are requested to help understand how the different areas and systems of the brain are working. Testing is usually recommended when there are symptoms or problems with memory or thinking. This may be because a person has a change in their concentration, organisation, reasoning, memory, language, perception, coordination or personality. These changes may be due to a number of causes (medical, genetic, psychological).

Certainly sounds good, but they charge. Someone, like me, is on a DSP. I can't afford to pay for those at UQ. I also found Advanced Neuropsychological Treatment Service (ANTS), which said:

A neuropsychological assessment conducted by a specialist clinical neuropsychologist can inform a new or corrected diagnosis, which can in turn shape the development of an appropriate treatment program. Significant resources can be saved with a correct diagnosis and appropriate treatment program. 

"Appropriate treatment program"? Perhaps I am way off the road, but any "appropriate treatment program" seems to be costly unless someone has money.

When I woke up in PA after my surgery, and at some time in the future I found out I'd had a stroke, I was never told why a stroke could happen exactly at my surgery. It's funny, isn't it? Happened at my surgery? Is this the revealing of what actually happened? Was it really a stroke or was it caused by the surgery? Does PA know? Do my PA and CBRT pathology teams know? How am I supposed to know about it?

So this is leading back to my phone talk with Lilly. Ever since Centrelink gave me DSP I don't - can't - feel hopeful. I don't have any real idea about how long they will keep me on DSP, how old I will get, if I can ever find a job. If I am required to. Lilly gave it all to me. I will, because I have real problems, it seems stay on DSP until I am 65, then transferred to superannuation.

So, it seems, I am now exactly retired. I hope everyone else enjoys their retirement. I think I am having to plan ahead.